CEC TV News Triple A

Transcript

Narrator:

On the land, in the air, or out at sea, if something is happening somewhere,

Chuck E. Cheese:

It’s news to me! Hehehehe

Narrator:

CECTV presents the Chuck E. Cheese news! Featuring news hound Jasper T. Jowls! Plucky reporter Helen Henny! Foreign correspondent Pasqually!

Pasqually:

Eh, Ciao! Hehe.

Narrator:

And Mr. Munch, taking care of the leftovers!

Mr. Munch:

Mmm, did I hear somebody say Chow? Haha, mmm.

Narrator:

Take it away Chuck E!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Thanks! You know that announcers voice over lessons are really starting to pay off, hehe. Hello everybody and welcome to the show that does not bring you both sides of the news! Hey, we don’t need to! Cause there’s nothing on the other side of the news! See, just blank paper! Haha. But anyway, on this side of the news we’ve got some terrific stories for you today. And they’re all about cars! And our first report comes from our own news hound, Jasper T. Jowls!

[Scene shifts to Jasper]

Jasper T. Jowls:

Thank you Chuck E! I have here a fascinating new survey on dogs and cars! Which was just released at the headquarters of the triple A association!

Chuck E. Cheese:

That’s the American Automoblie Association right?

Jasper T. Jowls:

Uh well no. This triple A is the Arf Arf Association. Heh, hey I said it was about dogs.

Chuck E. Cheese:

The Arf Arf Association?

Jasper T. Jowls:

Anyway, this survey asked dogs several questions about cars. The first was “Why do dogs chase cars?”. 50% want to go for a ride, 30% want to be with the people inside the car, 15% want to bury the car in the backyard, and the other 5% had no opinion cause they were scratching fleas.

[Jasper scratches at his neck]

When asked “Why do dogs hang their heads out car windows?”, 60% of dogs said it was to get a nice breeze, 25% said it was so they could pretend to be Superman, 10% said because they thought they’d look silly with their tails sticking out the window, and the other 5% still had no opinion because they were scratching fleas.

[Jasper scratches at his neck a little longer]

Jasper T. Jowls:

And the final question was “Why don’t dogs drive cars?”. 50% of dogs said they’d rather go for a nice walk, 27% said “hey, where do I have to go? I’m a dog!”, 18% said it was hard enough getting a dog license let alone a drivers license, and the last 5%, oh-

[Jasper starts to scratch at his neck even more]

Jasper T. Jowls:

5%- 5% still had no opinion because

Chuck E. Cheese:

Because they were scratching their fleas! Heheheh.

Jasper T. Jowls:

Yeah, oh get off of me you-

Chuck E. Cheese:

Uh, thanks Jasper. We were all itching for the survey results. And now, with a report on auto safety, here’s Helen Henny!

[Scene shifts to Helen]

Helen Henny:

Thanks Chuck E! Y’know, one of the most important safety rules for boys and girls who ride in cars is to always remember to fasten your seatbelt. That’s why the triple Egg Association-

Chuck E. Cheese:

Did you say triple A?

Helen Henny:

Uh no the triple Egg Association. It’s a chicken thing.

Chuck E. Cheese:

Oh.

Helen Henny:

Hm, anyway, the group has come up with a new bumper sticker that says “ you’re not being chicken when you buck- buck- buckle up!” Buck- buck- buckle up, get it? Hahaha.

Chuck E. Cheese:

Haha, yeah that’s uh pretty good. Uh but it’s real good advice for all you kids too! Buckle up those seat belts every time ok? And now, let’s hear from someone who can hardly fasten any belt, our wide, wide, weatherman, Mr. Munch!

[Scene shifts to Munch]

Mr. Munch:

Well, thank you Chuck E. As you can see we got us a whole heap of weather. What with things going this way, and that way, and every which way. Why frankly I can’t figure out what’s going on so let’s just take a look at the satellite photo ok?

[Screen shows an actual photograph of a satellite]

Mr. Munch:

Hohohowee! Just look at that satellite photo! Now that’s a humdinger boy! Haha, now back to you Chuck E!

Chuck E. Cheese:

But Munch, you never told us about the weather!

Mr. Munch:

Heheh, you know, you’re right! Haha, we’ll let me just see here. Haha, I can just see out the front door from here and uh, haha, ok. Y’know what the weather was doing when you got here? Well it’s still doing it! And now back to you Chuck E!

Chuck E. Cheese:

Thanks Munch. Heh. And thank you everybody for watching! Stay tuned for lots more fun and remember, if no news is good news, then we’ve got the best news on tv! See ya later!

[Jasper enters chucks studio still scratching his head]

Jasper T. Jowls:

Oo- ow- ouch- get off of me-

Chuck E. Cheese:

Here I got it.

[Chuck scratches Jaspers head]

Jasper T. Jowls:

Oooo, thanks I needed that.