Olympics Show
Transcript
[Song: Olympics Fanfare]
[Song: Movin’ On Up (parody)]
Fatz: (singing)
Well shapin’ on up
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
Gotta get it together
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
You gotta work to get the gold
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
That ain’t no lie
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
So, shapin’ on up
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
Gotta be fit ’n ready
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
Yea
Gonna do it now not wait ’till later
Not gonna be just a couch potat’uh
Yes we takin’ home all the gold
Do or die
Fatz:
Hello fellow athletes and fitness buffs alike. Y’all at ShowBiz Pizza and we the Rock-afire Explosion and ’lemme tell you what we doin’ here today.
[Antioch speaks in garbled sounds]
Hey- Folks, o-a-ah- alright folks y’know I can’t do it I-I I can’t even eat half a Twinkie I-
[Antioch continues making noises]
Yea I ate all them Ding Dongs.
[Antioch continues making noises]
‘Scuse me folks, let me- allow me to introduce my training coach, coach Antioch here who just happens to be the most in-shape creature on the face of the Earth. Meet my coach.
[Antioch continues making noises]
Look- look at the muscles and definition in them legs.
[Antioch continues making noises]
Al- alright coach alright. Get- w- get them tennie-pumps outta my face for a minute.
[Antioch continues making noises]
See folks, Antioch here is helpin’ me- watch what I eat and get in shape for the Olympics.
Antioch:
Yah!
Mitzi Mozzarella:
Wait a minute, Fatz how do you think you’re gonna get in shape eating Twinkies and Ding Dongs and junk food?
Fatz:
Well I’m trainin’ to be a sumo wrestler and that means I gotta get about double in size.
Antioch:
Yah! Yah.
Beach Bear:
Double in size?
Fatz:
Yea!
Beach Bear:
If you double in size you’re gonna have to apply for your own ZIP code!
[Song: Double In Size]
Fatz: (singing)
I’ll be bigger than Fat Albert
And Elvis Presley too
Don’t you ever get smart with me boy
Or I might sit on you
[Fatz laughs]
I’ll smash buses against buildings just walkin’ down the street
I’ll get stuck in every doorway and they’ll have to blast me free
When I double in size
Double in size
Every single part of me will double in size
I triple in size
Then triple in size
Every single part of me will triple in size
Quadruple in size
Quadruple in size
And when you see me boys and girls you won’t believe your eyes
Woah-oh-oh-no
Yeah-heh-he-he-y-y-y-yea
Woah-oh-oh-yea
Double in size
All:
Hey!
Beach Bear:
Hey not so loud!
Fatz:
Beach Bear are you sleepin’ again?
Beach Bear:
Well no I’m- checking for cracks in my eyelids.
[Fatz and Mitzi laughs]
Fatz:
I think you was sleepin’. How come you always sleepin’ up here on stage lately?
Beach Bear:
Yea-
Mitzi:
Fatz!
Beach Bear:
Huh?
Mitzi:
Fatz, didn’t you know that Beach Bear’s an Olympic hopeful?
Beach Bear:
Yea-
Mitzi:
He’s in training for the sleeping competition.
Beach Bear:
Yea- No! Its- well-
Fatz:
Sleeping competition!?
Mitzi:
Yea!
Beach Bear:
No its not actually a sleeping competition its the ‘Prolonged Dis-involved Synchronized Reclining Competition’.
Fatz:
Beach Bear what you talkin’ about?
Beach Bear:
Well- I’ll show you. Alright now everyone get in sync here. Put your head back. Let your jaw go slack. Let your eyes roll back in your head. And join me for the ‘Prolonged Dis-involved Synchronized Reclining Comp-’.
[Snoring]
Breathe out.
[Snoring]
Breathe in.
[Snoring]
Very nice.
[Song: Cover Me (Parody)]
Beach Bear: (singing)
The nights are tough yea
They’re long and cold
I shiver and shake from my head down to my toes
Cover me
I’m begging for your mercy
Cover me
I gotta sleep with little brother
And he always pulls the covers off of me
So cover me
Every night I freeze to death
Every night I suffer and its
All because my goofy little brother
Cover me
I’m turnin’ blue now cover me
I gotta sleep with little brother
And he always pulls the covers off of me
Cover me
I gotta sleep with little brother
And he always pulls the covers off of me
Ah please I’m turnin’ blue
I gotta sleep with little brother
And he always pulls the covers off of me-heee
Oh-hooo
[Song: 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (Parody)]
Mitzi Mozzarella: (singing)
Oh I wanna be a gymnast
But I’m just so overweight
I got a thing for chocolate Kisses
And jumbo Milkyway
Beach Bear: (singing)
Ah- don’t worry girl
You’re gonna be okay there must be
Fifty ways to lose ‘yer blubber
Mitzi Mozzarella:
Beach Bear!?
[Mitzi Scoffs]
Beach Bear: (singing)
Yea-
Fifty ways to lose your blubber
[Mitzi Scoffs]
Mitzi Mozzarella: (singing)
Well its not really blubber
No its just some baby fat
Beach Bear: (singing)
Well I’m sorry if this offends you
But lets stick to the facts
So I repeat myself
At the risk of getting smacked
There must be
Fifty ways to lose your blubber
Mitzi & Beach Bear: (singing)
Fifty ways to lose your blubber
[Song: Unknown]
Fatz: (singing)
Stop packin’ yo face, Grace
Billy Bob: (singing)
Just knock of the packlin’ spacklin’
Beach Bear: (singing)
You don’t need no beanie weenie
Just listen to me
Fatz: (singing)
Hop on the scale, Gail
All: (singing)
We’ll wire yer’ jaw shut
Beach Bear: (singing)
Cut out the treats, sweet
Rolfe:
And lose that gut!
[Rolfe Laughs]
Earl:
Pipe out of it slack jaw!
[Looney Bird sings underwater]
Billy Bob:
Well folks here we are to interview Looney Bird who’s our Olympic hopeful in the uh underwater Yugoslovian uh- Yugoslavian folk dancing competition. Uh- how’s it going Looney Bird?
Looney Bird:
I’m doing great! How’s your training going Billy Bob?
Billy Bob:
Well not so good Looney Bird, did I tell ya I wrecked my bike?
Looney Bird:
No! What happened?
Billy Bob:
Well Looney Bird I’m supposed to be interviewin’ you! But to make a short story long-
[Song: Lucille (parody)]
Billy Bob: (singing)
Well I knew I found true love
The day I met Beulah
Riding my bike home from school
I was cuttin’ some peelies
And poppin’ some wheelies
And makin’ her think I was cool
Then that doggone nut broke
And busted out my spokes
My goodness, I thought I was dead
Then Beulah came runnin’
She thought I was a funnin'
That’s what I looked at my bike and I said
You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel
Billy Bob & Beach Bear: (singing)
Showin’ off my old and big bicyclin’ skills
Billy Bob: (singing)
I could’ve won it, but now you’ve done done it
Billy Bob, Beach Bear, & Mitzi Mozzarella: (singing)
This time the hurtin’ won’t heal
Billy Bob & Beach Bear: (singing)
You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel
You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel
You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheel
[Song: Movin’ On Up (parody)]
Fatz: (singing)
Well shapin’ on up
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
Gotta get it together- yea
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
You gotta work to get the gold
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
That ain’t no lie
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
So, shapin’ on up
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
Gotta be fit ’n ready
All: (singing)
Shapin’ on up
Fatz: (singing)
Yea
Gonna do it now not wait ’till later
We don’t wanna be just a couch potat’uh
But we takin’ home all the gold
Do or die
La-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun
Dah-da-da-da
Dah-da-da
Dah-dah-da-dah-dah-daaa
Fatz:
See ya laters, couch potat’uhs